methinks

Beast Wars: The Saga Continues

(Originally sent on 10.8.2002)

I had finished rearranging my living room furniture and settled into a relaxing evening of TV Tetris. (As if in tacit acknowledgement of the low quality programming, TVs in China are often equipped with a variety of built in, remote control operated games.) I was nearing a new world record when suddenly, and rather fiercely, a winged incarnation of the devil himself hurled his fanged, furry form at my jugular. With instincts born in the jungle, I rolled to the floor. My attacker rose and circled, diving at intervals in an attempt to weaken my morale. With each pass, a drop of his rabid saliva would bespeckle my body. I stood fast.

"Demon, be gone! Get out!" I howled from the floor. The assault continued. It soon became clear to us both that my attempted exorcism would not succeed. He trilled a most vicious victory cry, or perhaps it was a more accurate sonar reading of my carotid artery. Nonetheless, it caused me to press my belly against the cold tile floor and rapidly undulate towards the exit. As if to mock my attempt at escape, the beast took a respite upon my curtains.

"I'll finish you at my leisure," he seemed to lisp.

It was during this oath that I released the clasp on the door and found sanctuary in the hall. I felt it necessary to summon my neighbor and friend.

Not that I could not vanquish this vampiric foe alone. Quite the contrary. But I thought that should such an event ever occur in his abode, he would be well served to study my soon-to-be skillful and swift removal of the afore mentioned sacrilege.

We did not tarry in our return. I jumped over the threshold ready to finish a battle I did not start. But where was my foe? Had he left the arena? I suspected he had taken up a position of ambush in the dark sleeping chamber. Armed with a straw-tipped lance I forged ahead. Silence. No attack and no attacker. Could it be that he had fled? Sadly, no.

I say sadly because upon my floor - rather than the blood thirsty spawn of Satan I had expected - lay a shivering little bat. He had injured himself at some point during my absence and could only crawl. A crawling bat is a sad sight indeed. His injuries needed tending, but I had neither the skill nor the courage to assist this nocturnal wanderer. I gently coaxed my fragile friend onto a stretcher of sorts and carried him into the night air. Perhaps the call of his own would be enough to rejuvenate his dazed spirits.

At last he did take flight but weakly and in pain. Watching his attempt to overcome adversity but knowing full well that he would die was a true measure of this tiny traveler's nobility. We would do well to learn from such a teacher.

Make bold choices, for this is the only freedom you have.

A Nightmare of Unthinkable Dimensions

(originally sent 9.18.2002)

While on cleaning duty I discovered that my sink drain consists of nothing more than a tube stuck loosely in the floor. Thinking that this would be a haven for dirt and other undesirable elements I removed the tube to inspect the situation. As I suspected, it was rather foul. A single cockroach did dare emerge from the bowls of my decrepit building, only to be blasted with a fatal breath from the red cylinder of death. As a preventative measure, I thought it best to give the orifice itself a generous portion of poison. It was then that the unthinkable happened.
A variable army of those foul beast laid siege to my kitchen. I nearly broke the plastic nozzle in my desperate attempt to contain and kill the parasitic invaders. I was eventually the victor, but I am afraid I lost more brain cells than I care to admit.
The story only gets worse. I know how these vile creatures operate. The conclave I vanquished was but an outpost of the main den of evil. I knew that re-enforcement would be forthcoming.

The following day I spotted an infant roach. Perhaps he was the sole survivor of the massacre. I have no mercy, regardless of age, and gave him his share of canned death. To my utter shock, this beast was immune to the poison. He turned and faced me as if to swear some primitive oath of revenge and then scurried away in to a particularly nefarious looking crevice where I am sure - through some perverted act of arthropodic androgyny - he will populate my house with chemically resistant vermin.

I will be ready.

The Ultimate China Vacation

This July my dad and I undertook a grand China vacation. Some might even say it was the ultimate China vacation (but those would be people given to exaggeration). We started in my old hometown of Duyun, moved on to several rural destinations in Guizhou, then finished up with a big city grand slam: Chengdu, Xian and finally Beijing. It was a great time, and I plan to soon write in detail about some of our adventures. For the time being, however, here are some pictures.

Note: All of these pictures were taken with my dad's digital camera. Moreover, the majority of them were actually taken by my dad and not me. The bulk of my photos fall in the Chongan section, but I managed to take one here and there during the whole trip.

Click here to see the Ultimate China Vacation photos.

The Lecture

The man featured in this video lived and taught in Duyun with me. Anticipating that the college would ask him to give a lecture at some point, he took a steady stream of photos in America while waiting to return to China (after being evacuated like me because of SARS). When he finally did return to China, he was indeed asked to give a lecture. He spent hours weaving together a PowerPoint journey which chronicled his life in America and his preparations to move to China. It was a masterpiece of slide presentation artistry. Unfortunately, it was never seen by the masses. Often times in China, things don't go as planned. This video is one example of such Chinese chaos.

The date is December 22, 2003. The location is the main lecture hall of my college in Duyun, Guizhou. I've taught most all of the students in the room.

The Lecture -- 12MB