methinks

A Nightmare of Unthinkable Dimensions

(originally sent 9.18.2002)

While on cleaning duty I discovered that my sink drain consists of nothing more than a tube stuck loosely in the floor. Thinking that this would be a haven for dirt and other undesirable elements I removed the tube to inspect the situation. As I suspected, it was rather foul. A single cockroach did dare emerge from the bowls of my decrepit building, only to be blasted with a fatal breath from the red cylinder of death. As a preventative measure, I thought it best to give the orifice itself a generous portion of poison. It was then that the unthinkable happened.
A variable army of those foul beast laid siege to my kitchen. I nearly broke the plastic nozzle in my desperate attempt to contain and kill the parasitic invaders. I was eventually the victor, but I am afraid I lost more brain cells than I care to admit.
The story only gets worse. I know how these vile creatures operate. The conclave I vanquished was but an outpost of the main den of evil. I knew that re-enforcement would be forthcoming.

The following day I spotted an infant roach. Perhaps he was the sole survivor of the massacre. I have no mercy, regardless of age, and gave him his share of canned death. To my utter shock, this beast was immune to the poison. He turned and faced me as if to swear some primitive oath of revenge and then scurried away in to a particularly nefarious looking crevice where I am sure - through some perverted act of arthropodic androgyny - he will populate my house with chemically resistant vermin.

I will be ready.