methinks

A Day of Death

Four is an unlucky number in China. It is a homonym with the word for death. It thus seems fitting that on April 4th of last year -- the four of fours -- Peace Corps China was given the order to evacuate because of a deadly virus called SARS. The calendar has spent a year since then, but I have payed more dearly.

I've tried to forget that day, to leave it, to bury it, to make sense of it all. But I haven't been able to. Sometimes I come close. I feel that I have overcome this great loss. But then I listen to a recording I made on that day -- to test myself or torture myself, I'm not sure -- and all the memories become real and I must start the journey of reconciliation once again. A grand example of cosmic irony, I was making an audio journal to calm my family's worries about SARS when I got a phone call from Dr. Dave saying that we would have to evacuate. I didn't stop recording when the phone rang. I wish I would have.

I haven't shared this recording until now because I thought hiding it would help me forget. It hasn't. I want to share this with you so that you might understand what I went through, so that you might help me grieve. I know it's a little large, but I encourage you to download it anyway. It will be good for both of us.

Click the file to begin downloading:
evacuation.mp3 -- 4.9 mb