methinks

Snacks

When I was a younger I would try to make something I called "survival biscuits". The idea was to design a highly nutritious, highly dense, highly durable foodstuff that I could take with me on my many potential wilderness adventures. I tried countless concoctions of flour and sugar and oil and eggs (which I now know severely limit the shelf life of a biscuit). I tried baking them and even microwaving them. But alas, I never ended up with an edible product, which - I hate to say - is the main reason I had to cancel my many potential wilderness adventures. Leaving without proper provisions would have been suicide. But today, in the Chinese supermarket, I found what I myself could not create. I found the ultimate survival biscuit.

They are called Omnipotence Compressed Biscuits, a name that doesn't begin to capture their wonders. The label goes on...

"This product is made from selected high quality materials. It has the feature of small volume, high nutrition and convenience to carry. Especially for those outdoor workers, tourists and travelers."

"Ingredients: Flour, Palm Oil, Milk Powder, Glucose, Onion and Special Condiment.
Guaranteed for 2 years."

Perfection. This is the greatness that I fell short of. (To my credit though, had I had access to Milk Powder and Special Condiment as a child, I think I would have been more successful.) I bought a pack of Omnipotence Compressed Biscuits along with my first sleeve of Black Wind Cookies (Don't ask. They taste worse than they sound) and hurried home to try them.

You definitely need molars to eat them. They are not for nibbling. In fact, I found that the 2" squares are best consumed in one bite. Once the crystalline structure has been disturbed they tend to crumble, so it's better to just start with everything in your mouth, which of course is how one would eat them in a survival situation anyway. Like I said, this is a perfect product. The taste? They taste kind of like a sweet, oniony brick of oily flour with just hint of Special Condiment. Not good enough for The Palm, but good enough for me to finish off the pack.

Now that I have such a ready supply of trail rations, I just have to find the perfect hiking pants and I can hit the trails for some serious wilderness adventures.